Inner peace has always been a tough one for me, impossible in the midst of active addiction, but very difficult in sobriety as well. Maturity levels are moderately low in new sobriety, as well as self-confidence. These are emotional states that can only come from enlightened understanding of what it is we are going through, and what it is we wish to accomplish. It is vitally important that we control our emotional responses to things and situations in order to achieve something that resembles peace and sanity! That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel or react to things, but we need to keep these things in perspective and act appropriately to certain stimuli, which can be any number of things, but especially people!
Personally, I tend to be entirely too sensitive and suspicious of people’s motives; even after a long period of sobriety. It definitely takes time, prayer and self-awareness to come to terms with these feelings. The people of my past who have remained people of my present make me especially vulnerable to this “short-circuit”. I am anxious and slightly impatient with them because they don’t really “know” me any more, even though they think they do. I let them make me feel hurt, small and insignificant, when that is absolutely not their intent! That is something that I must reconcile within myself. The newer people in my life, those who didn’t know me in addiction, are far more likely to believe in what I am trying to do and lean more toward understanding without doubt or question, and of course I’m going to like that better!
(side note: I could also say that my sensitivity comes from being an artist/musician, and from my Irish blood, but that probably wouldn’t fly with most people!)[wp_ad_camp_4]I should qualify all that by saying the people who have been in my life through everything have all my love and mean the world to me. I am completely grateful to God for placing these loved ones in my life. There is no way I could be where I am now if they hadn’t stuck by me! So many others abandoned me completely (understandably), but these other people chose to hang around and support me in the recovery process. Maybe that’s why I’m more apt to let their misgivings and opinions hurt me. I pray for their approval; probably more than I need to! I know that a large part of my success is due to them, and I’ll never be able to repay or thank them enough!
There is something about “inner peace”… something magical and quite possibly unknown to most of us. It is something that we should always strive for, but I am convinced that there are not too many of us that actually possess it! I love the quest for it however, and will always keep it at the top of my “to do list”! I know that with effort, prayer and the love and grace of my Father in Heaven that I can and will achieve it at some point in time! I certainly don’t consider it unobtainable by any means, just something that requires a tremendous amount of faith and self-awareness, and that is certainly something that all of us could benefit from!
Keep the faith my friends! May God grant you peace in your lives and in your hearts!
Love and blessings to all! +Joe
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
“May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.
The Lord be with all of you.”
(2 Thessolonians 3:16)